Just recently, after years of research, I have finally been able to give a name to
    what my wife and I have been living with for years.  It’s an affliction, which when
    undiagnosed and misunderstood can devastate and literally tear a family apart. 
    Very little is known about O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome.  But it is my hope this article
    will generate interest from researchers involved in the equine and psychological
    sciences.

    You will, no doubt, begin to recognized similar symptoms in your own family and
    hopefully now be able to cope.  Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment
    Neurosis Syndrome, OCEANS, is usually found in the female and can manifest
    itself anytime from birth to the golden years.  Symptoms may appear any time
    and may even go dormant in the late teens, but the syndrome frequently re-
    emerges in later years.  Symptoms vary widely in number and degree of
    severity.  Allow me to share examples which are most prominent in our home:

    The afflicted individual:

1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can’t tell if milk has gone bad until it turns chunky.
    
2. Finds the occasional “Buck and Toot” session hugely entertaining, but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.
    
3. Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to eat on paper plates so there will be no dishes.
    
4. Considers equine sweat a fragrance.
    
5. Enjoys mucking out four stalls twice a day, but insists on having a housekeeper mop the floor once a week.
    
6. Will spend an hour combing and trimming an equine mane, but wears a baseball cap so she doesn’t waste time brushing her own hair.
    
7. Will dig through manure piles daily looking for worms, but does not fish.
    
8. By memory can mix eight different supplements in the correct proportions, but can’t make macaroni and cheese that isn’t soupy.
    
9. Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing algae from the water tanks, but
   has a problem cleaning lasagna out of the casserole dish.
    
10. Will pick a horse’s nose, and call it cleaning, but becomes verbally violent when her husband picks his.
     
11. Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but unable to
    make it through a half hour episode of Cops.

    The spouse of an afflicted victim:

1. Must come to terms with the fact that there is no cure, and only slightly effective treatments.  The syndrome may be genetic or caused by inhaling manure particles which, I propose, have an adverse effect on female hormones.
    
2. Must adjust the family budget to include equine items – hay, veterinarian services, farrier services, riding boots and clothes, supplements, tack,
   equine masseuse and acupuncturist – as well as the (mandatory) equine spiritual guide.  Once you have identified a monthly figure, never look at it again.  Doing so will cause tightness in your chest, nausea and occasional diarrhea.
    
3. Must realize that your spouse has no control over the affliction.  More often than not, she will deny a problem exists.
    
4. Must form a support group.  You need to know you’re not alone – and there’s no shame in admitting your wife has a problem.  My support group, for instance, involves men who truly enjoy Harley Davidsons, four-day weekends and lots of scotch.  Most times she is unaware that I am even gone, until the precise moment she needs help getting a 50-pound bag of grain out of the truck.